Diego is back for spring break. I wonder if I should get his autograph.
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I used to wear cute little outfits with skirts and sweaters my mother really liked. They were all soft feminine colours and I let her dress me the way she wanted throughout elementary because I often feared her. I sucked on Ring Pops and handfuls of Nerds during recess and played cruel exclusion games with the other girls while I joined in and did nothing but follow. Playing with boys came at an early age for me but I still joined in on the cooty-passing rituals, despite not understanding how others could be so childish and empty.
I learned the truth about friends too early and expected so much while receiving so little. My expectations were so great when it came to loyalty that my head spun when I realized it was me alone that had perceived friendship in such a dire manner. I decided to play the lone wolf though I yearned for company during the lunch hour. But I've always despised crawling back with my tail between my legs.
Crushes were common and the dating scene in 7th grade was a disaster. Nobody knew what the fuck they were doing so it was rather embarrassing to watch. It was hard being alone but I was okay with being awkward.
When high school rolled around I didn't know how to open my locker nor wear makeup, but did anyway. Like many other girls I obsessed about my weight and my appearance and often attempted to starve myself (but this didn't last long). I've converted myself to a subtle emo who lacked an array of facial expressions, and was the same in photographs. I had good taste in guys but not the ones I dated. Most didn't look twice until my last year of school. It was just another awkward stage I didn't know how to build a groove in.
Now in my 3rd year in post-secondary I receive sleazy looks and remarks often from racist Asian guys that attempt to leer down at my 6'5" boyfriend. My body and weight hasn't changed but I finally became content with its portions today. My best friend thinks we are best friends but I secretly don't give a shit. I don't wear makeup everyday but I wear skirts every so often though I stick with jeans and chucks. I like caffeine and carbs and being in love.
I've always been a late bloomer. I smile in my photos now.
xx 1:19 a.m.